weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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