I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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