I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize