is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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