saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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