so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
