cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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