I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
