If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
