Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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