Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
