Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize