i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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