He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
