Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
