My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
