My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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