I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
