if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
