I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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