I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
