my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
