How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
