i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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