I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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