It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
