kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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