So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
