i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
