the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i need an iv and a liver transplant
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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