My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
