wrigley field is MILF paradise
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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