what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
