Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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