She announced her abortion via fbk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
