Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
its liver damage thursday
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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