I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
