I heard we made out
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
