I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
