She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize