I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
