just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
