I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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