btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
