I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
