I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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