Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
