Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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