You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
