do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
