absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
