Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
