youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found puke in my bra..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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