I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
