I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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