He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
how does that bad decision feel?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize