i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
