2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
