She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
