That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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