Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
