Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
