Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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