Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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