I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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