who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
