I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
