A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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