Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
