Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize